How to Save Your Relationship After Emotional Infidelity
Emotional infidelity occurs when you share intimate thoughts, feelings, or experiences with someone other than your partner. While not physical, it can be just as damaging. It deprives your relationship of emotional intimacy and nurturing, creating a distance between you two.
The signs may be subtle at first—looking forward to talking to that "friend" or hiding your closeness from your partner. Soon, you're sharing details about your relationship, thoughts, and dreams that you don't share with your partner. Before you know it, this friend knows you in a way your partner doesn't.
If your relationship has been plagued by emotional infidelity, it's possible to move forward. Here are some tips for how to save your relationship after emotional infidelity:
Acknowledge and Validate the Pain
Look them in the eye and say something like, "I understand why you feel betrayed. My behavior was unacceptable, and I'm truly sorry for putting you through this." Really listen to how they feel and validate their experience. Though it may be difficult, validating their pain is a crucial first step. Don't make excuses or place blame. Own up to your mistakes and acknowledge the hurt you caused.
Understand the "Why"
To save your relationship, you need to understand what led to the emotional infidelity. Talk to your partner and figure out what was missing that led to emotional intimacy outside the relationship. Perhaps communication stopped, the spark of new relationship energy was lost, or a partner didn't feel loved and appreciated. Recognize your part in the breakdown and be willing to make changes to rebuild trust and closeness.
Break Off Contact
Ending contact with the other person is critical. Delete their number and block them on all social media. Out of sight, out of mind. Stop replying to their messages or answering their calls. Don't meet up for "closure" or to exchange belongings. Have a friend do it for you or mail each other's things. The more you engage, the harder it will be to break free of their emotional hold over you.
Rebuild Trust Through Actions
Trust is earned through consistent actions, not empty words or promises. Apologize sincerely for your mistakes, then show that you deserve another chance through your behavior. Be transparent in your communication and accountable for your whereabouts. Answer questions your partner has honestly and without defensiveness. Make your partner a priority in your life again through small acts of kindness and affection.
Invest in Quality Time Together
You need to make spending quality time together a top priority again. Plan regular date nights. Cook a meal at home, watch a movie, and walk together at your favorite park. Do small things to reconnect and rekindle your emotional intimacy. Turn off your phones and other distractions and really focus on each other.
Seek Professional Help
Seeking counseling or professional therapy is the best way to work through emotional infidelity and determine if the relationship can be saved. A professional counselor can help you process the betrayal, rebuild trust, improve communication, and set healthy boundaries. Don't try to get through this alone—an objective third party can help navigate the complex emotions involved.
Individual Therapy
Speaking with a professional counselor or therapist can help you work through feelings of guilt, regret, or mistrust in yourself or your partner. Some things a therapist may help you explore include:
Your emotional needs and how to meet them in a healthy way.
Boundary issues and how to set proper limits.
Improving communication and intimacy with your partner.
Rebuilding trust in yourself and your relationship.
Though the process may be difficult, individual therapy is often the most effective way to gain insight into yourself, take responsibility for your actions, and make a plan to strengthen your relationship for the future.
Even challenging relationships can be saved when both partners are willing to put in the work. Reach out today to schedule your first appointment.
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