Infidelity Counseling
Is Your Relationship Reeling From Infidelity?
Has there been a betrayal of trust in your relationship?
Are one or both of you hiding something from your partner—including sexual infidelity, porn use, financial debts, or an emotional affair?
Do you worry that your marriage or partnership cannot withstand the stress of the crisis you’re undergoing as a couple?
Infidelity does not always mean a physical affair. Any instance of lying or keeping something from your partner can be considered infidelity. If either one of you has felt betrayed by a transgression in the relationship, it can cause an injury to your connection that may require the outside perspective of an infidelity therapist to repair.
Infidelity Can Cause A Trauma Response
Betrayal is painful and distressing for both partners, as infidelity causes trauma and can thus put your mental health at risk. Maybe one or both of you experience intrusive thoughts, distraction, and ongoing anxiety. You may have noticed a sudden shift in your daily routine and experience, including changes in your appetite, difficulty sleeping, and other physical ailments like pain and muscle tension. Since the betrayal was disclosed, you may have trouble trusting one another and now feel on extremely high alert around your partner.
Whether you committed the infidelity or you’re the betrayed partner, you’re probably struggling with negative self-talk. If you’ve been cheated on, you may have developed feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem. And if you’re the one who cheated or lied, you likely battle with daily feelings of guilt and worries that you’re a bad person.
It’s difficult to look at infidelity head-on and manage its consequences, but it’s possible to heal your relationship. In counseling that centers around infidelity and affair recovery, you can find meaningful solutions for repairing your connection as a couple.
Have any questions? Send us a message!
Relationship Betrayals Are Both Common And Complicated
Infidelity happens in all kinds of partnerships. Whether one partner cheats, lies, or chooses not to disclose something that could adversely impact the relationship, secrecy places immense pressure on a couple’s bond. Though infidelity has a broad definition—spanning emotional betrayals, porn use, and hidden financial troubles—we can see infidelity’s impact most clearly with the research we have on extramarital affairs.
It's estimated that around 20 percent of people in relationships—regardless of sexual orientation—admit to being unfaithful. However, due to the secretive nature of infidelity, this number is probably much higher.
There are many reasons why people cheat, and many aspects of infidelity are normalized in our culture with terms like “midlife crisis” and “The Seven-Year Itch.” But those reasons don’t necessarily drive at the reality that long-term marriages and relationships can fall into ruts. Many connections lose their “spark” over time, and the introduction of kids and other life stressors create major distractions in the relationship.
Not to mention, we’re all conditioned with the idea that monogamy is the baseline expectation of what a conventional relationship looks like. And while betrayal is not a healthy, productive solution, it’s important to remember that not all of us are wired to have sex with one person for life. Exploring solutions and options together is the key to achieving understanding, intimacy, and fulfillment as a couple. Yet, anger and emotional wounds often prevent couples from collaborating on resolutions.
Fortunately, infidelity counseling provides you with the outside perspective of a trained, empathetic clinician who can offer you tools for managing stress and healing your relationship.
Counseling Is A Healing And Productive Way To Overcome Infidelity
Because infidelity is such a painful and emotionally charged topic, it can be difficult to discuss without the outside perspective of a therapist. In counseling, you have a safe, neutral space to discuss the infidelity, identify root causes, and work towards healing together.
As your therapist, we treat your relationship as the client—not you as separate individuals. Therefore, we won’t “take sides” or place blame on either partner. Instead, we will work together to identify tailormade solutions that will allow your relationship to meaningfully recover from infidelity.
Even if you aren’t quite ready to address the infidelity with your partner in couples counseling, individual therapy can help. No matter which side of the betrayal you are on, we will create a safe, therapeutic environment where you can sort through your feelings.
The Counseling Process
For our first appointment, we will meet together to explore the impact of infidelity on your relationship or marriage. We will then meet with each of you individually to get additional perspectives on the relationship. From there, all counseling sessions will take place with both partners present. (Please note that we do not see couples where there is an active affair, addiction, or abuse.)
Our approach to infidelity and affair recovery incorporates The Gottman Method for couples counseling and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Both approaches are verified, evidence-based therapies that will help you express your emotions safely and give you an opportunity to understand what happened on a deeper level. Because EMDR is a trauma-informed technique, it can be particularly useful for those who have been adversely impacted by their partner’s betrayal.
Once you both can identify the root of the infidelity in therapy, you will be able to get your relationship back on track. We’ve been counseling couples in affair and infidelity recovery for over a decade, and we know that healing is possible. Together, we can restore trust, intimacy, and fulfillment in your relationship.
Maybe There’s Been Infidelity In Your Relationship, But You’re Not Sure If Couples Counseling Can Help…
What constitutes infidelity?
As therapists, we believe that infidelity is defined by anything that one partner feels the need to keep from the other. According to this definition, infidelity can be sexual, emotional, or financial in nature. If conflict and a lack of trust result from a betrayal in your relationship, you might benefit from infidelity counseling.
I worry that counseling will make things worse between us.
Oftentimes, people want to skip out on a discussion of infidelity due to shame, embarrassment, and feeling overwhelmed. But it’s essential to have these difficult conversations if you want to increase your marriage or relationship’s chance of surviving an affair. While it’s true that sometimes things can get worse before they get better, understanding and openness are important parts of the healing process.
If you’re both committed to healing after an affair, infidelity counseling can truly make a difference.
I’m not sure that our marriage can survive the infidelity.
If both of you are concerned that recovering from infidelity is impossible for your relationship, then it might be a good idea for each of you to seek individual counseling before committing to couples therapy. With an individual therapist, you can gain coping skills and weigh the pros and cons of staying in or leaving the relationship.
If, after individual counseling, you decide you want to see a couples therapist, you can enter the process knowing that you’ve done everything you can to repair the relationship. Even if you decide to leave the relationship, counseling can allow you to find clarity and foster the skills you need for future relationships.
Find Answers So That You Can Heal
Infidelity does not have to be the end of your relationship—couples counseling can help you heal and identify solutions. To find out more about our approach to infidelity and affair recovery, email us or call 817-887-8157 to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation.
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