You hear the word infidelity, and your mind automatically thinks about physically cheating on someone. Of affairs that stay hidden until they are not. And when that bag of worms gets opened, it can be really challenging and debilitating on a relationship.

But infidelity does not just refer to physical cheating and many people may be surprised to hear that. Infidelity can also refer to emotional cheating as well. It isn't the same as physically having an affair, but it is just as bad and troublesome for many couples.

What Is Emotional Infidelity?

A lot of people have friends who are the same sex as their partner. That is not unusual. For instance, just because a man has a lot of female friends does not mean that he is cheating on his current partner, for example. So where does the line get drawn?

How this looks for every couple and what they define as emotionally cheating is going to look different. Generally though, emotional infidelity can be defined as when one partner keeps details of a friendship they have with someone else a secret.

Or when you tell this other person things that you don't tell your partner.

No physical contact has to be made and conversations don't have to be overtly sexual. However, the emotional energy you put into this friendship can start to be problematic.

Some Things To Know About Emotional Infidelity

"It Can't Be Cheating If..."

It can't be cheating if I am not physically intimate with this other person.

No one says I love you.

It's not actually flirting...or...

A little flirting isn't going to hurt anyone

Little things like this can creep into a friendship and blur the lines of what is right or wrong when it comes to your actual relationship.

Some Big Warning Signs of Emotional Infidelity

There are some pretty strong signs that emotional infidelity is occuring, in addition to the ones that are listed above.

If something happens to you, big or small, the first person you want to tell is your friend
You no longer feel a strong desire for sexual intimacy with your partner
Feeling as if your friend understands you more than your partner
You catch yourself critiquing your partner and comparing them to your friend

Small Warning Signs of Emotional Infidelity

You find that you are hiding your phone from your spouse, deleting messages, or have enabled the lock screen on it
Saying or do things with your friend that you haven't done in awhile with your spouse
Lying about the amount of contact you actually have with the other person

Why Do People Commit Emotional Infidelity?

What leads a person to be emotionally connected in an intimate way with someone who is not their partner?

The why looks different for everyone, but will typically involve any of the following, if not more.

You feel disrespected by your spouse or as if they are pulling away from you. Because of this, you start looking for support in another person.
Secretly, you are upset with your partner over something that happened but you don't want to speak up about it to them, so it ends up manifesting in this passive-aggressive manner
It feels as if your partner is no longer meeting your physical or emotional needs, so you turn to someone else

How To Deal With Emotional Infidelity

How a couple looks at what they define as emotionally cheating will look different from anyone else. But one thing that remains the same? The affect that it can have on each individual as well as the health of a relationship.

No matter the "why" or "how," this should definitely be addressed as soon as possible. Infidelity counseling can help you break down the root causes of this type of cheating (or any other) and get the relationship back to a happier place. Connect with me soon to learn more.

What Is Emotional Infidelity? Is It Cheating?